Dear Ask Ashlee,
My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years and we have a pretty stable relationship. There has been no cheating involved (at least nothing I am aware of) and we both have a lot of love and respect for each other. The last few months I have been really stressing to him the importance of us moving in together. We both have children, mine are teenagers and his are pretty grown. They are in their mid 20’s. I feel like after 6 years we should be well into a happy marriage by now but he tells me I am continuing to rush things and not allow them to happen gradually. I don’t want to rush or force him into anything, but I am tired of the split households that we have and I am just ready for us to finally be under one roof and all with one last name. Six years may seem like a long time to be with someone and not be married, but like I said I do love him and I know that he loves me I just don’t really know what the real reason is behind him taking so long to take the next steps in our relationship.
Ms. Head of the House
Dear Ms. Head of the House,
So here’s the thing, your man sounds like he has several priorities, and you do not seem to be at the top of that list. I mean that with all due respect. If he has his “grown” children staying with him, he could still be financially supporting them, whether through college or as they chase their dreams. A man will not put himself in a financially compromising position with a woman he cannot support and provide for. If he is against you all living together, it could be because he knows he is not financially prepared for that responsibility. The bigger issue is why he can’t or hasn’t been able to verbalize this to you and communicate effectively. Or, has he actually communicated that, and it is just not something you really want to hear? I need you to seriously consider that. I recently heard a podcast interview of a married woman that expressed how badly she wanted to be married, right? She said what she learned in the process is that, if you love this man and this is the man you want to marry, you need to trust that he is going to ask you and make the steps you’ve been waiting for, when he is ready and feel that the timing is right for you and your relationship with him. I agree. You have a choice of continuing to wait, patiently, without pressure or stress. Or you consider the reality that may be done waiting and while you love him, this may not be the man for you. You know him and you know yourself well enough to face whatever ugly truths that need to be faced within this moment. Face them.
I hope this helps!
Love & Light,
Ash
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